Two important rules before discussing dealing with parents:
- don’t lie Don’t lie to your parents. As soon as they find out you lied, you will be much worse off than you were before — and they will lose trust in you.
- don’t disobey The law is on their side. They have more control over your life than a slave owner (in theory, they are supposed to exercise that power for your good — and most parents try to exercise their parental power for good). Again, disobedience can only result in things getting worse. If that means you have to wait until you are 18 and on your own to exercise your fundamental human right to freedom of religion and beliefs, then you have to wait, as much as that sucks.
The vast majority of this page is writings by your fellow teens, either questions or answers. Feel free to write in with your own questions, answers, suggestions, comments, etc.
note: Indicate in your message if you want your name or e-mail kept a secret. You can provide a craft or screen name instead.
parental disapproval
Justin Evans asks:
my mom totally disses what i want to read witch is wicca. she had no problem going to into a store but when i bought a witches almanac she got mad but let me keep it. she thinks it starts small but gets to studying it. so milo can you help me here? what do i do?
Parental disapproval can be a real hassle, especially when it regards something as important and as personal as religion.
In the U.S., minors have almost no rights, fewer rights than were granted to slaves when slavery was legal. You could go to court and get a declaration that you are an emancipated minor, but that is a rather extreme and is usually not a desirable choice.
So, the two practical options are to either keep quiet about witchcraft or to try to negotiate with and educate your parents.
Keeping quiet is a common approach, not just among teens. There is a huge amount of prejudice, fueled by centuries of Christian and Islamic propoganda. Many witches practice in private and only reveal their religion to close trusted friends.
It is very unwise to sneak around behind your parent’s backs. There is a difference between keeping your beliefs to yourself and sneaking around behind your parent’s backs.
Some parents are more reasonable and open-minded than others. If you think one (or both) of your parents might be open-minded, you can try educating them and showing them that witchcraft is a positive earth religion. This, of course, requires that you do some research and be able to support your beliefs with verifiable facts — but that same research will help you understand your own religion better.
Which approach will work best for a particular teen depends on the teen’s parents and relationship with his or her parents. In your case, the cat is already out if the bag, so you will have to educate your parents. Time to go out on the web and gather some information. And I encourage you to write a short essay based on your research so that other teens can benefit from your research.
—Milo
parental disapproval
Kddss asks:
I am a serious witch but my parents keep throwing out my books. Could you send me some spells. I appreciate it. Send it out at {e-mail suppressed to avoid spam] my parents never check there. Thank you
Under U.S. law minors are legally considered to be second class citizens and don’t have the same rights as adults. In fact, minors have fewer rights in the modern U.S. than did slaves in early U.S. history. Because of this, we can’t go against the wishes of any parent and send information if your parents have forbidden it. Not fair at all, but that is the law. And we don’t want to risk losing this web site because of some obstinate parent somewhere.
On the other hand, we can post information from other teens in similar situations about how they handle practicing their religion despite parental disapproval. We can’t recommend any of the suggestions, but we can report them.
—Milo
Eric Wolfsbane makes the following suggestion:
You could try covering your books with grocery bag paper like you do with school books. In fact, you should have done this as soon as you brought them home. I’d print in big letters history, social studies, math, etc. on them with a magic marker pen, but then I’m sneaky, underhanded, and resourceful. :-)
The next step is to hide them in plain sight. You do this by going to your local library or used book store and picking up a bunch of used books, a half a dozen. Cover about half of them with grocery bag paper. Stack the books neatly in your room. Do this every other week until you have several dozen books, with about half covered. Then mix your craft books in among them randomly.
By the way, libraries are better sources for used books because they’re usually cheaper. You can usually get soft covered books for less than a dollar. If they don’t do this for some reason, ask the librarian if they’re getting rid of old books any time soon and if they are ask if they’d save them for you.
If this doesn’t work then I recommend getting a metal box larger than the books you have. A file organizer or a surplus ammo box is good as long as it has a provision for putting a padlock on it. Then get a good lock and put on. Put your books in it and lock. Hide the key. Put in your closet and cover with your toys from a few years ago.
They can’t throw out what they can’t find. ;-)
Although we’ve printed Eric’s suggestion, I’d strongly urge you not to follow it. If your parents are rooting through your stuff, I don’t think his trick is going to fool them. All it will do is make your parents associate your religion with sneakiness and breakdown their trust in you.
You know best how to relate to your parents and whether it is wise to reveal your religion or not. Even if you decide not to reveal your religion, you should avoid sneakiness. When you get caught, it will put your religion in a bad light and make it that much more difficult for you to convince them that witchcraft is good.
parental disapproval
Cat asks:
hi my name is cat and i have a parental problem and it only is with my dad, you see my mom has known that i have been into wicca for many years and I’m only 14 but my aunt and cousin are into it too so my mom thought that it was cool and helped me get books and get started but my dad does not know about this and I’m really scared he will freak and not let me practice even though i think he knows, cuz i’ve been interested in magic and witchcraft since i was very young but n e wayz I’m scared to say n e thing to him about it but if i don’t i won’t be able to get my books and stuff so should i tell or should i stay quiet. (I’m leaving his house around thanksgiving so i don’t have long to wait)
Trust your instincts.
You do not have to tell your parents everything about your personal life. Do you, for example, tell your father every time you have your period?
There are some things that are better left as personal. You need to trust your own heart about what those things might be.
Many teens have suffered a great deal after telling their parents or classmates that they are Witches. There is still a great deal of religious prejudice in the world. One girl in Detroit recently committed suicide because she couldn’t deal with the continual harassment from Christians (a small minority, not Christians in general) at her school after someone found out that she was a Witch.
On the other hand, do not lie to your father. If he asks you, tell the truth. It is always the best policy to be honest with your parents.
You may also want to try using AOL’s Wiccan and Pagan chat rooms. Click on keyword “pagan” and look for the chat room “The Circle”. There are Witches of every age, including teenagers, and you can discuss the issue with others who have been or are going through the same thing.
May the Goddess be with you.
—Milo
parent’s perspective
KELLIANNE26 asks:
I signed on to your website to check it out for my niece and daughter who asked if they could have access to it, they are both nine years old and we monitor the access they have to the internet as we should as parents.
I think that an educational website geared at “teen’s” to educate them on the safe realistic practice of witchcraft is a good idea. I must tell you though that they heard of this website from a neighborhood teen who is 14 and convinced that she is a witch. This young lady may very well be a witch, and thats fine for her. The trouble is that she is trying to “recriut” (for lack of a better word) my 9 year old girls into her coven. You see they view this as pretend, however this teen views this as very serious and tries to get them to do things relating to witchcraft that they don't understand.
I read your response to one girl who expressed she would like to hide her interest in becoming a wicth from her parents and reccommended that she get a job to pay for her supplies. I was dismayed to se that your reccommendation was not to be open and honest with her parents about her interests or to seek guidence from another more open minded responsible adult. I am dismayed because the yourng girl in my niece's neighborhood hides this from her parents and follows the advice of your website and other books, she picks and chooses which advice she will follow and is headed down a slippery slope if she continues.
I would like to ask that you ad a disclaimer to the home page of your website about appropriate boundries for “begginer’s” that they do not try and recriut little girls into thier coven's and the dangers of doing so, one of those being infuriated parents. This child also thinks that “adults are forbidden to know about witchcraft” she claims that this is one of your specific rules, however I found no evidence of that anywhere in your website. This to me seems to put this child in danger because she is lacking guidance and doing things like eatin poisonous plants and encouraging my neice to do the same.
Lying to parents or sneaking around behind their backs is a very bad idea. It will make your parents think you are an irresponsible child.
There is no recruiting in Witchcraft. Every Witch must be drawn to the Craft on their own.
Do not eat dangerous, toxic, or poisonious plants. Some plants are powerful drugs (more than two thirds of all modern drugs are derived from plants). Do not leave candles, incense, or other open flames or embers burning unattended. Practice basic safety, especially in the kitchen and garden.
There is no place in Witchraft where there is a rule that says “adults aren’t allowed to know”.
—Milo
parental disapproval
Warlockguy asks:
I’m a 15 year old guy, and for my entire life i’ve always been drawn to witchcraft. Not the whole abra cadabra stuff, but the real thing. For over a year now i’ve studied it and your website has given me the most help so far, which is why i’m writing you. My parents are totally old fashioned. I have to hide my love of the craft from them (and it’s not easy doing so) because i know they won’t approve. I’ve read how wrong it is to dabble but not devote myself to the craft, but with my lack of privacy i have no choice but to dabble. My question is, should i continue to dabble and hope that i can try to make more time, or should i just give up all together?
You can “dabble” if you want (or need) to. Trust your heart.
—Milo
Hello. I run the Pagan Parenting topic at Suite101.com. I just wanted to let you know that your site was selected as one of our recommended sites for Pagan parents and their kids. If you like, you may save the graphic below for use on your website and link it to www.suite101.com.
—Be sure to visit us! Blessings, Cosette
basic rules
Lying to parents or sneaking around behind their backs is a very bad idea. It will make your parents think you are an irresponsible child.
There is no recruiting in Witchcraft. Every Witch must be drawn to the Craft on their own.
Do not eat dangerous, toxic, or poisonious plants. Some plants are powerful drugs (more than two thirds of all modern drugs are derived from plants). Do not leave candles, incense, or other open flames or embers burning unattended. Practice basic safety, especially in the kitchen and garden.
There is no place in Witchraft where there is a rule that says “adults aren’t allowed to know”.
Do not put negative energy into spells or rituals (this is sometimes called “black magick”). Whatever energy you send out into the world will come back to you three times over.
Do not spell beg.
parental tips
Halsey suggests:
((Hello — I would like this to be posted on your ‘dealing with parents’ section.))
My name is Halsey and I am 18-years-old. After my parents divorced when I was ten I started researching Paganism. I introduced my mother to it and since then we have both been practicing Pagans. When I ‘came out of the broom closet’ to my father when I was twelve, he disowned me. This is something I have learned to accept and if you are planning to do as I have done you should be ready to face whatever challenges that surface.
I want to give a few tips to all the teens out there:
1. Do not lie to them (as Milo has said). There are many reasons why you should be completely honest and open with your parents about this. First of all, where will it get you if you lie? All that will cause is more tension, and it will give them the excuse to say, “So that is what this religion teaches you?” It not only makes you look bad, but also the religion you are telling them about.
2. Come prepared. You have to assume that all your parents know about Paganism/Wicca/Witchcraft/Etc. is what they have learned from movies and (if they’re Christian) the Bible. Neither portrays us in a very good light. Therefore, it would be wise to print off some information from the internet and show your parents the basic principles of your newfound faith. They are going to ask questions, so make sure you’re ready to answer them.
3. If they react harshly, do not take it personally! Though it may not seem like it now, your parents love you. They are only concerned about your well-being and don’t want you to become involved in anything that could do you harm. They may not know what Paganism/Wicca/Witchcraft/Etc is all about, and therefore will automatically jump to conclusions.
4. Make sure you have a good support group behind you. Friends, chosen family, etc. You will need people to be there for you in case something unexpected happens (ie. They freak out).
5. Make sure that you are ready to commit to the religion before you come out! I am not saying that you cannot dabble. I am also not saying that you cannot tell your parents you are dabbling. But if you only think you might be a Pagan, I wouldn’t suggest going through the difficulty of coming out to your parents. Think about it long and hard first!
If you are dabbling:
1. Parents keep getting rid of your books? Remember, they are probably doing it because they’re concerned about you. Talk to them! Tell them you’re only looking into it and you find it fascinating. If they are still worried, suggest that THEY read one of the books and look it over. If this is impossible, and you insist on keeping it a secret (Which I do not advise) then keep the books in your locker at school, in your backpack, in your closet, or between your mattresses. I understand that many parents are hard to talk to, but I think it would be worth pulling them aside. You can start the conversation with, “I understand that you’re doing this because you love me, but…” That will tell them that you’re trying to think from their point of view.
2. Think this might be the religion for you? Remember, there are many religions out there, and you should research more than just a few! If you are drawn to the Goddess’ path, then Merry Meet and welcome!
What NOT to do!
1. Please, please, PLEASE! Do not try and recruit people. There is a common saying in Wicca that I like to think about now and then. It is, “To know, to will, to dare, and to be silent.” We are not recruiters. Our religion is one that people must find on their own with the Goddess’s help. If they ASK you about it, then it would be polite to answer their questions. But it is rude to tell people that our religion is any more correct than theirs.
2. Do not eat plants you don’t know about! I was shocked when I read about this! If someone cooked you dinner and it looked suspicious and had a strange name, you’d ask what it was made out of, right? Some plants can be dangerous, even fatal. If someone gives something to you that you don’t know what it is, don’t eat it!
3. Black Magick. I cannot stress this one enough. When you cast a spell or send out negative energy to do harm, it is known as black magick. This is a very unwise and unsafe thing to do. Reason 1: You’re causing others harm. Reason 2: The threefold Law. Whatever you send out, good or bad, comes back to you times three. It’s also known as Karma. Reason 3: How would YOU like it?
I hope this helps. :)
— Halsey
NOTE FROM MILO: Parents aren’t stupid. They can figure out just about every hiding place. Also, school officials have the legal authority to search any location on school grounds.
—Milo
no spell begging
If you follow any of the links offered on this web site, no spell begging. Especially no love spell or curse begging.
Two great web sites have already asked to have their links removed because of spell begging.
using 
.
